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| "Anger is A Bad Advisor." |
DON'T BE AN ANGRY BIRD !
This
time the present blog post is about ‘Anger Management’. An honest confession
before we proceed; I have not yet got complete control over this toxin and I am
yet to gain more wisdom. By the way, in this course of learning, I have picked
up a few useful lessons worth sharing. And here are those lessons to help you
cruise along smoothly on burning coals of anger.
“Delusion arises from anger.
The mind is bewildered by delusion.
Reasoning is destroyed when the mind
is bewildered.
One falls down when reasoning is
destroyed.”
~ Srimad Bhagwat Gita
Do you get angry? Don’t look at me
like I am from Mars. Well, before asking you, first I am going to ask this
question to myself. And yes, you guessed the answer ‘slightly’ right. I do get
angry. I too am like any other regular guy. My blood
does rage on issues linked with education, child abuse, injustice and
others which have some significant social impact. Now, if you ask me again if I
get angry on daily chores and minor matters, I would say that overtime I have developed
my own ways and means of ‘Being Calm & Composed’ which help me stay cool in
pressure situations. I could sound like a sage but when I see people fighting
with each other on the same ‘daily chores and minor matters’, I feel sorry for
them. Sorry, because their extreme expressions and acute actions don’t suit the
cause (and such behavior even doesn’t suit them). I believe everybody sometimes
gets angry over something or the other. Anger is not that bad if in control (in
cases where you try to convert your anger into some inner motivation) but it is
highly destructive if unchained.
As per my knowledge and understanding,
anger eats up your intellect first and then it blinds you to all whatever is
justified. Your rational mind stops functioning and you lose the ability to
reason. It’s next to impossible to take any right decision when caught up with intense
anger. I have seen people taking the
most stupid actions and the most foolish measures when dictated by anger. And
the worst part of the entire episode is the painful feeling of repent when at
the end of the day our negative emotions turn into immense guilt burdens. Now,
you guessed it exactly right, this time the present blog post is about ‘Anger Management’.
An honest confession before we proceed; I have not yet got complete control
over this toxin and I am yet to gain more wisdom. And I am still
learning. By the way, in this course of learning, I have picked up a few useful
lessons worth sharing. Here are some useful tips that will help you cruise
along smoothly on burning coals of anger.
Are
You Stressed or Depressed?: This could come as a surprise to you
as the very first thing regarding ‘Anger Management’. But the feelings of
stress and depression are strongly associated with your temper. Not only the
personal confessions made by the people around tell me the same story but
behavioral experts also reinforce the very notion. As per behavioral science,
“Frequent fits of anger can be a result of immense stress and unfulfilled
aspirations. Stress could be related to end number of causes like money,
unemployment, distrust, unfulfilled ambitions etc. Here the accused suffers
from frustration-aggression syndrome and he/she is found to be depressed over a
period of time before their passions run high and they turn violent.” Do some
‘Root Cause Analysis’ to know what is bugging you for long. Instead of crying
over split milk, take action and nip it in the bud before you turn into an
angry ‘Hulk’. Remember, anger is temporary madness. Either you control it, or
it will control you.
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| Anger is temporary madness. Either you control it, or it will control you. |
Keep
the End in Mind: It’s rather easily said than done. But
it’s equally powerful trick to calm your nerves. It’s like not taking the
bitter medicine, but to remind oneself the bitterness of the medicine. It’s
true that anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy
everything. Many times one gets angry and as stated takes “the most stupid
actions and the most foolish measures” with horrible outcomes. Finally we get
hit by the pangs of regret and frustration due to unwanted consequences. And
then we wish if we could have rewound the whole drama and could have done
something much wiser. Why can’t we decide those extreme effects in our mind in
the very first place? Yes, that’s very possible. We can imagine all that unwanted
stuff. And that’s the trick! The more you follow this as a practice, the more
it becomes a part of your habit (read a sensible habit). Here, you are actually
trying to be the master of your anger and not to be mastered by your anger.
“When anger rises, think of the
consequences.”
~ Confucius
Give
Me A Break: Heated arguments derive more heat and that sometimes
lead to severe endings. I don’t suggest that you keep mum, but when things go
out of hand or they turn ugly, it’s safe to avoid confrontations. Hold yourself
together and come out of it. Step away from an angry situation until you
calm down. In place of having a heart-break or a break-up, it is advisable to
give each other a little break (for a while). That’s intelligent. Here, giving a short break equates
with giving oneself some room for re-thought. This space-giving scheme works
because one gets a chance to dwell on other ‘details’ or say the other side of
the picture. But using break time in triggering the wrong emotions for the
other one and polluting one's own mind spoils the plan. Instead, try to
reconsider your standing and also make an attempt to understand the other’s
point of view. If you are right then there is no need to get angry and if you
are wrong then you don’t have any right to be angry.
Take
It Easy: Learn to forgive people in your life, even those who
are not sorry for their actions. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not them. Anger
makes you smaller while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are. Sometimes
it’s all OK to let go. And it is wiser to take it easy. You know anger begets
anger. And a zombie causes another one to be a zombie. There is no point in
losing your mind, because the person in front has lost his. Words seem harshest
when magnified by our own private lenses. And that further compounds the actual
problem. Do not give extra undue weightage to those silly words uttered in a
rage. In the heart of your hearts, you too know that those arrows are just
toothless and they cannot hurt you unless you give them the permission to enter
the sensitive sections of your heart. And when you do let them in, it bleeds.
As a counterattack, you both participate in a bloody contest of ‘Who can hurt more?’ You know there is no end to it. Yes, that’s totally futile. So it’s better
not to take things too hard on your heart. And that’s more than half the battle
won.
“Holding on to anger is like drinking
poison and expecting the other person to die.”
~ Buddha
[to be continued...]
