|"Anger is A Bad Advisor."|
DON'T BE AN ANGRY BIRD !
This time the present blog post is about ‘Anger Management’. An honest confession before we proceed; I have not yet got complete control over this toxin and I am yet to gain more wisdom. By the way, in this course of learning, I have picked up a few useful lessons worth sharing. And here are those lessons to help you cruise along smoothly on burning coals of anger.
“Delusion arises from anger.
The mind is bewildered by delusion.
Reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered.
One falls down when reasoning is destroyed.”
~ Srimad Bhagwat Gita
Do you get angry? Don’t look at me like I am from Mars. Well, before asking you, first I am going to ask this question to myself. And yes, you guessed the answer ‘slightly’ right. I do get angry. I too am like any other regular guy. My blood does rage on issues linked with education, child abuse, injustice and others which have some significant social impact. Now, if you ask me again if I get angry on daily chores and minor matters, I would say that overtime I have developed my own ways and means of ‘Being Calm & Composed’ which help me stay cool in pressure situations. I could sound like a sage but when I see people fighting with each other on the same ‘daily chores and minor matters’, I feel sorry for them. Sorry, because their extreme expressions and acute actions don’t suit the cause (and such behavior even doesn’t suit them). I believe everybody sometimes gets angry over something or the other. Anger is not that bad if in control (in cases where you try to convert your anger into some inner motivation) but it is highly destructive if unchained.
As per my knowledge and understanding, anger eats up your intellect first and then it blinds you to all whatever is justified. Your rational mind stops functioning and you lose the ability to reason. It’s next to impossible to take any right decision when caught up with intense anger. I have seen people taking the most stupid actions and the most foolish measures when dictated by anger. And the worst part of the entire episode is the painful feeling of repent when at the end of the day our negative emotions turn into immense guilt burdens. Now, you guessed it exactly right, this time the present blog post is about ‘Anger Management’. An honest confession before we proceed; I have not yet got complete control over this toxin and I am yet to gain more wisdom. And I am still learning. By the way, in this course of learning, I have picked up a few useful lessons worth sharing. Here are some useful tips that will help you cruise along smoothly on burning coals of anger.
Are You Stressed or Depressed?: This could come as a surprise to you as the very first thing regarding ‘Anger Management’. But the feelings of stress and depression are strongly associated with your temper. Not only the personal confessions made by the people around tell me the same story but behavioral experts also reinforce the very notion. As per behavioral science, “Frequent fits of anger can be a result of immense stress and unfulfilled aspirations. Stress could be related to end number of causes like money, unemployment, distrust, unfulfilled ambitions etc. Here the accused suffers from frustration-aggression syndrome and he/she is found to be depressed over a period of time before their passions run high and they turn violent.” Do some ‘Root Cause Analysis’ to know what is bugging you for long. Instead of crying over split milk, take action and nip it in the bud before you turn into an angry ‘Hulk’. Remember, anger is temporary madness. Either you control it, or it will control you.
|Anger is temporary madness. Either you control it, or it will control you.|
Keep the End in Mind: It’s rather easily said than done. But it’s equally powerful trick to calm your nerves. It’s like not taking the bitter medicine, but to remind oneself the bitterness of the medicine. It’s true that anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything. Many times one gets angry and as stated takes “the most stupid actions and the most foolish measures” with horrible outcomes. Finally we get hit by the pangs of regret and frustration due to unwanted consequences. And then we wish if we could have rewound the whole drama and could have done something much wiser. Why can’t we decide those extreme effects in our mind in the very first place? Yes, that’s very possible. We can imagine all that unwanted stuff. And that’s the trick! The more you follow this as a practice, the more it becomes a part of your habit (read a sensible habit). Here, you are actually trying to be the master of your anger and not to be mastered by your anger.
“When anger rises, think of the consequences.”
Give Me A Break: Heated arguments derive more heat and that sometimes lead to severe endings. I don’t suggest that you keep mum, but when things go out of hand or they turn ugly, it’s safe to avoid confrontations. Hold yourself together and come out of it. Step away from an angry situation until you calm down. In place of having a heart-break or a break-up, it is advisable to give each other a little break (for a while). That’s intelligent. Here, giving a short break equates with giving oneself some room for re-thought. This space-giving scheme works because one gets a chance to dwell on other ‘details’ or say the other side of the picture. But using break time in triggering the wrong emotions for the other one and polluting one's own mind spoils the plan. Instead, try to reconsider your standing and also make an attempt to understand the other’s point of view. If you are right then there is no need to get angry and if you are wrong then you don’t have any right to be angry.
Take It Easy: Learn to forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not them. Anger makes you smaller while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are. Sometimes it’s all OK to let go. And it is wiser to take it easy. You know anger begets anger. And a zombie causes another one to be a zombie. There is no point in losing your mind, because the person in front has lost his. Words seem harshest when magnified by our own private lenses. And that further compounds the actual problem. Do not give extra undue weightage to those silly words uttered in a rage. In the heart of your hearts, you too know that those arrows are just toothless and they cannot hurt you unless you give them the permission to enter the sensitive sections of your heart. And when you do let them in, it bleeds. As a counterattack, you both participate in a bloody contest of ‘Who can hurt more?’ You know there is no end to it. Yes, that’s totally futile. So it’s better not to take things too hard on your heart. And that’s more than half the battle won.
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
[to be continued...]