Saturday, 4 January 2014


Do you compare yourself with others every now and then? Do you find yourself short of confidence at times? Does the world out there frighten you? Do you feel lesser than others? Do you allow your fears overshadow your dreams? Do you carry bucket loads of complex with you? Does life seem harder to deal with? Do you feel insecure about your features and appearance? Do you feel frozen not knowing what to say at times? Do you seek others’ approval of how you look? However, in all this darkness, here is some light.
It’s true that most of us desire to look like Superstars and long for divine appearance. Who doesn’t wish for dazzling looks and stunning features? Even facebook lovers would not deny to upload their stylish pictures with some super-special effects just in order to get those extra most precious ‘likes’ and praiseworthy ‘comments’. As if they want to stop by and ask for a reconfirmation of their looks with every bystander. I believe there is no harm in flaunting one’s gift of looking good but it becomes a little worrisome when this comes as an obsession or even sometimes a reason for feeling low. At times we feel pathetic and pitiable to ourselves just because others somehow could not notice our new hairdo or missed complimenting us for our latest outfit. 

This seems really odd when our looks, our features and our appearance often become the prime focus of our existence and everything else in life takes a back seat. It seems like we are all so hooked to the external charm as compared to inner beauty that we sometimes take part in a rat race to look as charismatic as possible. And as they say that the problem with being in a rat race is just that even if you win, you are still a rat. Then there is a gradual development of an unhealthy practice of following the freely available nuggets of advice as suggested on the screen of our idiot box and go after them blindly on all matters if in case we wish to be ‘Fair & Handsome’ or ‘Fair & Lovely’. But in the middle of all this show-off drama we just ignore the most important part of our personality which makes us truly beautiful. And that is a genuine feeling of self acceptance.
The key here is to accept yourself the way you are and then make the most of it. Nothing but this self belief will help you pull yourself together whenever you feel down and out. I do understand that this is easier said than done. For there are some people who have no means to feel good about themselves. And in such circumstances, the best possible fixation for them to feel good is to make others unhappy either by commenting trash or by flaunting distasteful attitude towards people around. These same set of people called Wimbledon champ Marion Bartoli ‘a cross between a man and an ape’, ‘ugly’, ‘unattractive’, and what not. Even British broadcaster BBC offered an apology to this new Wimbledon women’s champion over the cruel comments by a veteran reporter who asked listeners about whether they ever wondered that Bartoli’s father told her that she was never going to be a looker when she was little. And upon it, Bartoli not only answered with her Wimbledon title but also kept her haters silent stating, “I don't really care about what other people say...Have I dreamt about having a model contract? No. I’m sorry. But have I dreamt about winning Wimbledon? Absolutely, yes. And I kept believing in myself.”  

Mind you, opinions are not facts. To some, Sachin Tendulkar could not look handsome; Amir Khan could not seem tall, Abdul Kalam could not appear attractive and so and so forth. To paraphrase Janina Gomes, “Your self-esteem does not depend on the approval of others. That is because, when we respect ourselves, we do not accept what others say if that is not true of us. The more risks we undertake, the bigger mistakes we could make. But mistakes do not and should not come in the way of developing self-esteem. All of us might have gone through these experiences – ranging from little pinpricks to insults and being subject to offensive remarks. If we let them get under our skin, we will begin to believe that we are worthless. Let jibes and attacks slide off our backs, like water off a duck’s back. You will be challenged, battered, tried, put down. You may have to tolerate humiliation. You will have to overcome all these hurdles and many more with courage and conviction…and perhaps faith. And, if you bravely hold on to your values and soldier on, you might be able to hold your head high and say, “Do or say what you like, but you will never erode my self-esteem.”
So stop this violence with your self right now! Stop making a monster out of it. And also stop making a fool of yourself. Why are you making it so big and bothersome? You need to free yourself with this sad tendency of self-criticism if you really wish to be the best in the business. Don’t get entangled with this ‘poor-image-phobia’ or it will cause you to lose sight of the big picture. If you often reject yourself outright, it will really compound the problem. If you yourself are not satisfied under your skin and sulking endlessly, how will others accept you? No doubt they would also feel stifled in a relationship with you sooner or later. Do end this silent protest with your own self. Get rid of your bottled up negativity and break this chain of thoughts of self-doubt, self-blame and self-pity. Britain's Got Talent fame and the author of The Woman I Was Born to Be: My Story, Susan Boyle (who was once ridiculed and sneered for her looks) has rightly said, “Modern society is too quick to judge people on their appearances. There is not much you can do about it; it is the way they think; it is the way they are. But maybe this could teach them a lesson, or set an example. There are enough people in the world who are going to write you off. You don't need to do that to yourself.

Trust me, these crippling thoughts are far from reality. Don’t get carried away or they could affect the deepest part of you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality; love them. Without those things you would not be you. And why would you want to be anyone else? No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, realize you are beautiful. So be yourself, you are so special. Be confident with who you are. Remind yourself over and over again, "My happiness will never depend on others any more. I'm happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my imperfections, they make me ME. ...and 'ME' is pretty amazing, because I am awesome."
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1 comment:

  1. Srishty Tripathi4 January 2014 at 07:19

    beauty is only skin deep...its going to get borig fast....there is need to look beyond the are absolutely right sir